Video "Our Greatest Fear ♥ Warm Embrace"

Cocoon to Butterfly: A butterfly or a moth enters into the point of their life when they must wrap themselves into a cocoon, also known as a chrysalis. They must undergo a life altering change known as metamorphosis which prepares them for their final stage; that being "the Butterfly". During the time in their cocoon, they are in a type of hibernation that will last for anywhere from a few days to several months. But although they may appear asleep, their body is actually undergoing Progressive Change. At a certain stage or even stages in our lives, we too must make a transformational change from a crawling caterpillar to a graceful winged butterfly. This can only be accomplished through a complete and mindful rest for our own Rejuvenation.

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Thursday, April 19, 2012

" Effects of Positive and Negative Thought"

Crystal Light Empowers~ Negative Thoughts Devours

What if Our Body Processed Thought as it Does Food?  I believe it does.... Whatever we "feed" our minds, it accepts it as real, whether it is actual event or thought.  It accepts it as happening and that becomes stored as memory.  Perhaps we may recognize the difference mentally but the effect it has on our psyche may be very much the same as if happening directly to us.  If we continually "feed" our minds with the ideas that are demeaning to ourselves, or others, it may become a "truth" to our mind.  Or, when one sees something "bad happening" one may also have a tendency to process that within as a personal experience; even if it is not happening to you. The body response to the organs and brain is as real as if it is an actual physical event if you are not able to separate this in your mental process. Negative imagination causes stress and damage to the body as actual events as well.  The mental process and storage of the events occurs even if the event is not real, yet only perceived by the mind.  Furthermore, if you have not actively tried to counter the negativity of the past with meaningful positivity of the present, you may still be feeling depressed, insignificant, or perceive yourself as the continual victim ~ being "stuck in the mindset of the past".  But with a change of the way one allows things to effect his/her mind in the present, the feeling of being bound in the past, can be changed too.

I believe it is very important to our mental and physical health to make the best of whatever surrounds us whenever we possibly can.  As we grow older, we are able to gather more tools and more strength to do this:
So I am suggesting here to make an effort each day to think of something pleasant, and mindfully allowing yourself to feel the goodness of that idea , believing that the body is processing this as a positive effect on you physically and mentally.  Whatever we believe becomes our own actuality.

How can a change of perception make this work for the betterment of you?  When you feel like something "bad" is happening, evaluate what you can to turn this around in a more positive light.  This might feel alien to you, but the effect of the mind change will benefit your body in many ways.  There will be less stress on your heart, less stress on your mind, your muscles, and your digestive system with each intervention.  Stressful events effect all our body systems.  Continued stress wrecks havoc on our entire body.  Release and counter-balance of the stress will help your body to recover and react in a less threatening way.

For example,
Your best friend says he is not going to be able to go to that event you have planned for weeks.  He says that something unforeseen has come up, and will have to reschedule.  He says he will get back with you on it...

You have two choices.  Perhaps you may think of this as rejection, or you can change your mindset to be this:  that is, something unforeseen did actually come up ~ something very important, and it has nothing to do with you at all ... Perhaps it is something that your friend needs to take care of immediately, and he will get back with you on it.

Now, if your body saw this as a rejection, you will process it as such, adding to the fuel of feeling insignificant and personally slighted.  However, if you decide to look into it in a different manner, such as an actuality of a change in a significant occurrence with your friend that has nothing to do with you, your body will be able to perceive this as happening outside yourself, and not to you.  You may not understand, but you are accepting of this explanation.

It is helpful to mentally challenge all things that get you down.  Add something controllable you can do to what you may previously have thought as an uncontrollable situation.  It might feel awkward at first, but if you do this, and abruptly try to end any demeaning self thoughts each time they pop up into your head, you will come to find out two new things.  You will be actually able to think of ways to combat stress and that will give you some satisfaction, and you will actually realize that with the release of the ruminating thoughts, your body is now beginning to actually feel better. You will not be perfect at doing this, but like a baby learning to walk, you can do it and you will get better at it each time you do try.

With continued practice and the passing of time, your more positive reaction to potential stressors will become more automatic and you will not spend as much time on evaluating each negative event that befalls you regarding how you might lessen it's effect upon you.  You will find more options and begin to feel more in control and less effected by things going on around you that you are not able to directly control.  You may not be able to change these things, but you can change your perception of them, and the effect they will have on you.

Monday, November 14, 2011


Many are Waiting for and Looking for
That Special Someone to Make them Whole.
Do Not Look Outside Yourself for Wholeness.
No One Can Do that For You or Give it to You.
Wholeness Comes from Within.
Purity Resides at the Very Core of One's Being,
But Sometimes it must be Unburied and Rediscovered.
If You Truly Desire to Be Whole,
And, If you are Willing to Search Within,
Into the Very Essence of Your Being,
Tap into this Source 
And You Will Find it.

Cheryl E Gordon

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

"The Hand that Gives the Rose"

"A Seed May Never Be Known, Where the Flower Never Grows. 
The Fragrance Always Remains in the Hand that Gives the Rose"

Monday, August 1, 2011

"Prayer for the Tempest and the Great Awakening"

Savior, Creator, Carry Me Safely Protected in Your Arms, 
Over the Chasms of Darkness & Uncertainty, On the Wings of the Angels Protected in Love. 
Bring me Safely to The Mental & Spiritual Place of the Great Spiritual Awakening where There is None to Fear 
And Love is All there IS. 
Encompass Me & Enlighten Me, Now & Forever. 
Amen ❤
Cheryl E Gordon 

Thursday, June 9, 2011

"When Love Heals"

"When Love Heals" 

May Love Abound  in Your Heart
Breaking the Crystals of Sorrow and Pain,
And in it's Healing,
Blessings will Encircle and Surround You
Forever and Again and Again...

Cheryl E Gordon 

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

"May there Always be Angels to Watch Over You"

May there always be Angels to Watch Over and Guide Each One of You... To the End of Your Days...

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

"Embraced by the Light"

"Embraced By Light"

Imagine Yourself Embraced by the Light and
You Will Be One With The Light.

Cheryl E Gordon

Thursday, March 31, 2011

"Helpful Tips on Fighting Stress and Depression"

 I was Recently Asked by a friend in an Animal Cause we are both involved with, "How do you deal with being overwhelmed/feeling helpless and defeated at times with everything we are facing and trying to bring change to/for? Personal life stress hasn't made the feeling any easier as of late but I need to regain focus and on the process maintain balance with this and the responsibilities I have (namely work) in my life?"

I thought about this for awhile, and realized this is a question we all can relate to, and something I was capable of helping others with... As a nurse and in the past for a number of years, I taught Stress Reduction.  I had a Stress Clinic and also did Biofeedback Training for Adolescents in a Mental Health Facility.  I taught Relaxation Exercises and many clients and patients said this process helped them to cope and gave them a feeling of control over their stress.   Once a person learns how to do these exercises themselves, they can implement them at the onset of stress or feeling down. Many people will be able to recognize signs of stress more readily and deal with them more effectively through implementing stress reduction techniques in continued practice.  One gets a better result when it is nipped in the bud, but application anytime is helpful.

Autogenic Training is a Stress Reduction Technique, in which I taught people how to mentally find a safe and beautiful place, and to focus on it and allow the world go by for that period of time.  It may be somewhere you have been before, or a fantasy place you wish to be at.  To begin, you must first try to make yourself comfortable and undisturbed.  Wait a few minutes before you begin by letting yourself relax in the most comfortable spot you can find in the best way you know how.  There are different ways you can help this along.  The one I chose, is by a method known as Progressive Relaxation.

In Progressive Relaxation, you begin by mentally focusing on different muscle groups of the body; starting with the lower muscle groups by tightening and releasing them fully, and working your way upward, doing the same with different muscles, to the top of your head.  Start with both feet... tightening and holding your muscles in the feet tight to the count of ten, and releasing the muscles slowly to the count of ten... (do this 5-8 times) then refocus and mentally move upward to your calves, your thighs, your hips, your abdomen, your chest, your arms, your shoulders, your neck & then your facial muscles... by tightening and releasing each section to the count of ten x 5 or 8... If any particular muscles give you trouble, modify the tightening it so it does not cause any pain during this exercise.

I then recommend right after that, and with the final muscle being relaxed as much as possible,  to allow your mind to find a pleasant place you would like to be in... This is the application of Autogenic Relaxation, where you mentally find yourself a good place you have been in the past, or one where you would love to be that is comforting and serene, and then visualize this place with you in it, safe and secure.  Let yourself fell free to enjoy the experience as long as possible.  You can even change the scenery to even better your meditation and relaxation experience.  The combination of the Progressive Relaxation Exercises followed by Autogenic Relaxation Visualization, I believe works well together.  Do not be discouraged if your mind wanders during this process as that is common.  Just bring it back without being discouraged.  The more you do this, the better you get at it.  I believe that if you can do this even for 20 minutes, it is quite helpful.  Some People even compliment the experience with the added effect of Meditation Music.

Daily Plan:  Time with Loved Ones Must Never be Forsaken. Meditation and Prayer Brings Me Higher, and if you are able to do this, I recommend it to the Fullest Power.   If you are able to do your Relaxation and Meditation Exercises daily, that would be Great!  Manifesting Love Through Giving to those in need in direct surroundings, even if it is sharing a smile brings a feeling of self worth. The direct action of helping others always makes me feel better.  I recommend it highly... Taking the time for doing the things you enjoy, even if it is only a half hour each day is also a good thing to do.  Knowing Your Own Personal Limits and stopping at that point is very important.  Think of your Mind like your Body in that You Must Not Go Beyond Your Limit or You Will Suffer. Find a Support Group within and without the Stressor(s) in your life, to Share with, and Compare Your Thoughts.  

Last but not Least, Vigorous Exercise is known to be healthy for the both body and mind.  When one exercises intensely, the release of endorphins occurs.  An endorphin is a neuro-chemical occurring naturally in the brain, having analgesic properties.  The release of these brain chemicals from vigorous exercise give the person a natural feeling of good, and even some release from stress.  If you are able to compliment your week with exercise it is highly recommended for both physical and mental health. 

Most Importantly, if Darkness is Overwhelming, do not hesitate to ask for Professional Guidance. Some very stressful situations may require counseling or therapy.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Why Do Bad Things Happen to Good People?

It seems True.  Bad things sometimes happen to good people... It doesn't seem right, does it?  When Good People suffer, it is so easy to become angry and think, this is wrong, and so unjust.  Why is this happening to me, or to them?

I often battle with this concept of right and wrong and good and bad, and the craziness of the World.  Good people all around me are hurting, frightened, and often seemingly alone in their suffering.  The kindest seem to be most often persecuted, attacked, harmed in so many ways, and then lose their lives to physical or mental illness & disease.

The earth is not a friendly place; or so it seems.  Yet, I believe that if we look closely to our existence and the "meaning of life" we will get a better grip of why this is happening, and a better understanding of the reason for living a life without anger, fear, mistrust or shame.

I believe that we are here for a Divine Purpose.  We most likely do not know the purpose or mission we are to do exactly, but feel it is so, and I know it to be so.  For if we knew it exactly, we would do it quickly so as to return to an Eternal Harmonious Existence.  No one learns from experiences that are easy and done without effort.  We expect to live a long life, because that is what we see happening around us - as we often judge by the average.  Yet, some beautiful people are here only for a brief time and then are taken from us.  Why? What was their purpose?  Perhaps it was to bring others closer to their own personal Truth, and help them in their own mission of their lives.  For example, a small child that dies from illness, harm or unexplained death at a tender age may have given their parents and others the best present of their own Spiritual Being in their short existence here on earth;  that of their sweet, loving and gentle nature.  Some people accomplish their mission in a brief time and others, longer.  The ones that are here shortly may then be best served elsewhere in the Universal Plan as their Maker Calls them Home from their life on earth.  Because they are no longer with us does not mean their Spirit is dead.  It is no longer necessary for it to be here in a physical body.

So then, why must the good people on this planet suffer?  I realize that we all have a mission to accomplish on our time on earth, however long that may be. Why, one might ask, do some kind, and loving people seem to have darkness thrown into their lives?  Are they being punished for something they did or did not do?  The abused seem to be chosen as victims by the most cruel and heartless humans on the planet.  What have these "poor people" done to justify their mistreatment?  They most likely have done absolutely nothing wrong.  What they have done most likely unintentionably, and in innocence, is having crossed paths with Evil - Period.   It was not their fault; yet circumstances brought them together.  We must understand  that exposure does not necessarily mean that they are no longer themselves, nor that they are destined for a sad life.  It is hard to be mentally whole when one is a slave to another, but once freed, they can reclaim their lives.

The strongest people are the ones who have battled injustice and danger.  They are the True Survivors.  They have met the Demons of Life head on and have conquered their hold on them.  Sometimes it is accomplished in a short time and sometimes over many years.  Because of their strife, they are able to navigate between and differentiate the very line of Good and Evil, and most importantly, have won their lives back.  Because they have come into contact with evil does not make them bad.  The exact opposite seems most often to be true.  They were selected because of their goodness, their innocence, perhaps even because of their loving & trusting nature, even the best of the best.

So, have they not become tainted, and no longer desirable, as their Offender has tried to brainwash them into thinking?  Have they now become "Bad?" in trying their best to survive during their exposure to evil?  Absolutely Not!  They are still able to be their Own Person, a "good person"; their own true Self, even though they have been under the reign & terror of a tyrant.  By breaking that horrific chain of control and dominance, they can rise from the depths of despair, fear, and pain to conquer the world, should they choose to do so.  It will not be easy but their Mission is one that can be accomplished, and yes, they may need help in achieving it.  This is true with the Best of Missions.  Most often it will be necessary for an Abuse Survivor to seek assistance of friends and professionals to gain back their feelings of worth and acceptance of self.  In so doing, they are the stronger for their past experience.  It is said that the steel is hardened by folding it over and over and over again in the fire of forging.  They are like that ~ desirable steel, that has been hardened by Fire.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

So You THINK You Have Failed - NEVER GIVE UP

So many people suffer from the fear of failure or perceive themselves as failure.  Yet, with Failure, that in itself means the individual did try.  That is better than laying down and letting life kick you in the stomach and smack you around.  So let us look more at "Failure".  Failure is actually a perception.

The Individual had a goal which he or she did not Accomplish to their Expectation.  So, taking this into consideration, even if the expectation was not achieved to their satisfaction, there was something that Resulted from the Try. It may have been Discouraging, but What did you Learn from it?

People become Stronger from Learning from Experience.  Without trying, would you have actually been better off?  You may have thought so at the time, but taking the Time now to Process it, Most likely Not.  You saw something that you wanted, and you tried.  Give yourself the Credit for that!  So it did not work out to your Expectation.  Perhaps there is a Reason.... No, I Know there is a Reason....

Now, take that attempt and look at it Closely with a Positive Outlook.  You tried that and it did not work out to your Expectations.... But what did you actually learn from it?  Take that as a New Step and Create a New Path....  Most likely the Reason for the Failure was not You but Circumstances around You that made it Impossible to Achieve.  Many People take the Negative Effect on their Lives into their Own Perception of Themselves.  You Have the Choice to Accept (or Not Accept) What Happens to You as Not Becoming a Part of Your Perception of YOU ... but it is Not YOU.  Ugly Things Happen to Beautiful People.  But You are Still You, and We are All Unique Individuals. Throw Off the Past, and Move into the Future in a Good Way.

I wrote this message about failure (below)  in my Inspirational Blog (  I hope it helps give you Inspiration to Move Forward~  Even if You Think You Have Failed Somewhere, Sometime in Your Life.  That is Not YOU.... You can Achieve What is Really Important to You.  You May not have it "in toto" in the first Try... But Notice I said, "Try"... Give Yourself Many Chances to Do it.  For That which is Important and Best for You will Come Around to You in the Right Time....


From every Failure
There Leads a Pathway to Success.
Failure is Just a Stumbling Block
From Which We Can Recover
And Move Forward in Our Purpose.

C E Gordon


Wednesday, December 22, 2010

"My Message for Hope and Comfort in the Holidays"

May the New Year Bring Peace and Hope to Each and Every One of You, My Friends:

The Holidays are not readily viewed as Happy Times for those who Suffer from Chronic Illness or Pain; whether it be Mental or Physical.  But I would like to Offer My Poem of Hope in the Future for You, My Dear Friends.  I Offer You these Words of Hope.  When Feeling Down, You Must Look Up. When Feeling Pain, Reach Out for Healing Comfort. When Feeling Alone, Know that there are Those Who Care.  I am One Who Cares.  I know the Maker Cares for His Children.  The Pain in the World is Brought on by Darkness and Continues with Darkness.  But there is the Originator of the Light that Will Shine His Light Out into all Corners of the World, Rebuking the Darkness.  Reach Out Towards the Power of the Light.  Grasp On to It and Hold It Dear to Your Heart.  Know that You are Not Alone... I know this is not Easy to Do, but it Can be Done, and Know that it is True.

So it is Here that I am Wishing You the Very Best in the New Year. May it be Yours as One of Hope and Fulfillment of Your Longing and Dreams.  If You are still in a Victim Role, Throw Off that Cloak that Covers and Burdens You.  Do Not Claim Your Pain or Illness as Your Own.  Renounce those Who have Caused you Suffering and Pain.  Do not Bathe in the Darkness, but Step Out into the Light.  Take Hold of the Friendly Hands Reaching Out towards You.  You are A Survivor.  Whatever Has Happened to You, is Not You Unless You Allow it to Govern You.  You are Each Unique in Body and Spirit, and are Worthy of Life and Renewal in Spirit...  You Must Believe in the Power of You!

In Love and Spirit,
♥ ¨°º¤ø„¸¸„ø¤º°¨❤Love❤¨°º¤ø„¸¸„ø¤º°¨♥ ¨°º Prayers and Blessings °º¤ø„¸¸„ø¤º°¨♥ ¨°º

"Christmas Rainbow Love"

A Bell is Ringing,
Celestial Singing
Is Bringing the People Together.

Cultural Blends,
The Universe Sends
Her Love.

Night is Day
So Far Away,
The Universe Knows No Bounds.

Her Bell She Sounds,
Reviving Love All Around
In Bringing the People Together.

Doves on the Wind,
The Universe Sends
Her Love.

Prayers Resound
And Friendship Abounds,
As the Universe Brings Us Together.

Cheryl E Gordon

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

The Child Abuse Monument Project

The Child Abuse Monument Project - Press Releases Vandals, Rebuilding & Petition

"At the Vietnam Memorial Wall in 1990, Dr. Irving experienced an epiphany about how that work of art helped America to heal from wounds that shared traits common to child abuse, including post-traumatic stress disorder, vicarious trauma, distancing and denial. As a result, Dr. Irving, himself a survivor, conceived of a memorial Monument to survivors of child abuse."

Sadly, it has just been discovered as vandalized while in storage.  "The damage was discovered in a heart-rending moment during a national television interview about the Monument. Despite this latest of many setbacks, The Monument’s creator and supporters are hopeful that it will survive and be placed in a public location."

(for full story as a Press Release, and to discover what you may do to help, Please click on link above) "Dr. Irving assures that he will not let the world’s first monument to child abuse be cast aside like so many survivors and victims of child abuse. He estimates that it will cost up to $100,000 to rebuild the broken art and molds, and he is seeking funds and the donation of a secure studio space. These donations are necessary to breathe life back into what has been described as a modern-day masterpiece. The Province of Ontario has also been asked to accept the finished Child Abuse Monument as a donation in order to heal and validate survivors and promote child abuse prevention. Dr. Irving asks the public to help by signing a petition to the Premier at" 

Saturday, November 6, 2010

"Smile at a Stranger"

Smile at a Stranger Today...
And Should They Smile Back... That is OK...
And Should They Talk... Don't Run Away...
Smile... ♥☺♥

Cheryl E Gordon

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Helen Keller Quotes on Overcoming Adversity & Maintaining Positivity in the Face of Adversity:

All the world is full of suffering. It is also full of overcoming.
Helen Keller

Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.
Helen Keller

I am only one, but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something; and because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do something that I can do.
Helen Keller

Instead of comparing our lot with that of those who are more fortunate than we are, we should compare it with the lot of the great majority of our fellow men. It then appears that we are among the privileged.
Helen Keller

Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see a shadow.
Helen Keller

Your success and happiness lies in you. Resolve to keep happy, and your joy and you shall form an invincible host against difficulties.
Helen Keller

Never bend your head. Always hold it high. Look the world straight in the eye.
Helen Keller

No pessimist ever discovered the secret of the stars, or sailed to an uncharted land, or opened a new doorway for the human spirit.
Helen Keller

Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light.
Helen Keller

We can do anything we want to if we stick to it long enough.
Helen Keller

When we do the best that we can, we never know what miracle is wrought in our life, or in the life of another.
Helen Keller

Monday, July 19, 2010

Reader Participant Comment Section

This Blue Section is the Reader's Place to Comment on Anything Relative to the Topic of "Abuse Survivors"
Hello Dear Reader! 

This Blog was Created by me  to Offer Helpful Advice regarding Recognition and Recovery from Abuse, Allow Others to Comment on What Works for Them in this process, and Provide to Links to Other Helpful Sites Relative to Survivors of Abuse.
Perhaps you have Found a Healing Method that Has Worked for You that You Would Like to Share with Others.   

I Encourage you to Post any Applicable Suggestions under the Corresponding Posting, or You May Type in any Free Standing Comments for Others to Read and Respond to in the General Comment Section Here. (just click on the comments tab below to pull up the comment box for you to do so)

Please use a Fictitious Name if you wish to remain Anonymous. That may be Easier for You to Comment Freely.  I do Request that Comments are "People Friendly".  I do Believe that Most People Try to be Respectful of Others, and I am Not Here to Judge, but I do Screen each one that is Written before it will show as a Post, and I will Remove any Comments that are intentionally Vulgar or Demeaning to Other Readers.  So I do Ask Everyone to Keep in Mind that The Focus here is on "Healing and Recovery".  It is not a Place for Condemnation or Accusation. There is too much of that type of Negativity Flying About Elsewhere.  A Flower Cannot Grow in Poor Soil.

I do not Profess to Have All the Answers, nor am I anyone's Personal Therapist.  I cannot Guarantee Full Recovery for Anyone Reading or Contributing to this Blog.  However, I do Believe that You Will Find Helpful Information here to Assist You in Moving Forward with your Life in a Positive Way.  Perhaps You have Important Healing Information or Helpful Thoughts you are Willing to Share, and I Hope You Feel Free to do So Here, in the General Comment Section.  That Would be Awesome!

Alpha Butterfly Spirit Comments

♥ ¨°º¤ø„¸¸„ø¤º°¨❤Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ❤¨°º¤ø„¸¸„ø¤º°¨♥ 

Alpha Butterfly Spirit Comments 

♥ ¨°º¤ø„¸¸„ø¤º°¨❤Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ❤¨°º¤ø„¸¸„ø¤º°¨♥

(Alpha Butterfly Spirit asked me to post her comments for her.  It is too long for the comment section and I believe it is most helpful to post here in it's entirety)  I am also proud to announce that shortly after her healing journey was posted, she was offered an Inspiration Award which I included below her post.  To find out more about the award you can click on the "Inspiration icon" with your cursor.  Congratulations to You, Alpha Butterfly Spirit in receiving this Award!

"My Past, Present and Future"

I never realized how strong and protective one's mind could be for survival and self preservation.  It has taken me many years to understand that my unusual behavior as an adult was directly related to my disrupted childhood.   I went to several counselors in my early adult life.  Each one diagnosed me with an acute mild depression, placing me on medication combined with counseling.  Each counselor stated my problems were contributed to my conservative upbringing and medical health issues that had effected me mentally.

Eventually I would learn it was my faith and my baptism that carried me through my early life's turmoil.  I have ny parents to thank for my strong moral values.  They never knew what happened to me and I will never tell them.

I was molested, traumatized, and threatened by a sadistic pedophile when I was a young child.  He was a neighbor and I went to stay with him and often played with his son.  Supposedly his wife was watching me as the care giver, but he and she as well as others were involved in the traumatic episodes that quickly followed.   He threatened me into silence and I was fearful for my life. By the Grace of God we moved after a year to a new home that took me away from this horrid scene.  My mind blocked the past as a defense mechanism.

After the move, I had no realization of what happened until it was discovered through my relationship with my husband, my children, and co-workers over a period of decades later.   Most of the time, I would just stumble along through life.  Periodically, I would reach a point where I would need to see a therapist who would put me on medication, and give me short term counseling for up to a year.  I would not allow my husband to get close to me.  My husband now tells me he always suspected my strict moral upbringing, and/or suspected  abuse, caused my problems.

I managed to accept my periodic intimacy through most of the years of our marriage until my husband suggested we go on a trip for our 30th anniversary.  I knew then that I did not want to be this close to him physically or mentally.  With the kids around in our younger years, I somehow felt protected from a true commitment. We stayed together because of our  moral and christian values and we loved each other.   Soon, I would not have my children in the home picture because they were becoming young adults and would be going off to college.  This became a crucial point in my relationship with my husband and me.  He felt rejected, and I was falling apart in the worst way.

A christian counselor saw the situation as being destructive for us both.  This counselor and my husband  manipulated me into what I thought would be marriage counseling. I was going to be tested once again by a highly recommended psychologist. My mind told me to blow this off.  However, I was feeling so badly that I decided to go through with it.  I was not embarrassed to go for testing, since my husband agreed to being assessed as well. My MMPI test was basically normal, however my interview with the experienced psychologist is what tipped everyone off to my problems. The doctor realized I was desperately trying to hide something at our initial meeting.  He explained that the testing results indicated that "your type of raising, and (forced) participation, or what happened to you in the basement during that time, seems to have deeply effected your life today."  I could not believe this or understand it. I have been through counseling before and this possibility was never determined.  My former counseling may have helped me temporarily, but apparently never uncovered or resolved any of my issues.

After going back to the referring (Christian) counselor, he stated, "I am recommending that you go to this particular psychologist, for if anyone can make this right, he can."  So with that recommendation, I began my long journey into the past with this new gifted, and older psychologist.  He told me that I would be able to recall the traumatic memories and he would help me to overcome the pain and integrate these incidents into my life.   I never really believed him at that time.  I did not have any memory then beyond the a vague touching between me and another child in a basement of a house.  Eventually, bit by bit, the repressed memories arose and the pain that that was associated with them at the time accompanied them.

I began to live in three different worlds: the repressed memories, my present life, and one of disbelief.   I began to understand why all these many years, I had periods in which I would feel desperate with underlying anxiety for no apparent reason.  I had to stay busy at work, entertaining my children, traveling with family, and eventually going to the gym.  I could not stop and think.  I would talk incessantly and focus on being the life at all the family functions and parties.  I was protecting my identity by being popular with everyone. I could not let them know or decipher me.   I did not even know myself.  I would chatter endlessly about my children and husband rather than have the focus on me.

As counseling continued, the traumatic memories kept rising to the surface of my mind. With each session,  I would tackle the situation in the safety of my psychologist's office and care. It was, and still is like complex pieces being fit together, or a puzzle being solved.  Although stressful at the time, I found that I was becoming more comfortable and at ease with others as I worked through each memory.

I would never have made it through life without the blessings and support of my family and trusted friends.  As time moved on, I learned who I could confide in.  If someone was offended or non-believing, then they became an acquaintance and I would move on.  I learned to speak openly with only trusted individuals.  I no longer babble. I think before I speak, and pass by people who I do not like. I do not need or want them in my environment.

It is a miracle that I found my husband. He was meant for me and I am glad I pursued him in college.  Such a quiet moral and patient man was placed in my path. My sisters have said  "he is your soul-mate and an angel."  I respect my psychologist and it is a blessing I was referred to him. I hate to admit it at times, but I look forward to his help.  I think I was lead to his care. My psychologist, who keeps a selective limited practice, told me he chose to treat me. I believe someone else had His Hand in it also.

Believe me, the therapy is a long and tedious process.  But I no longer feel I have to placate everyone, back off ,or break down through most conflicting arguments.  My life is becoming a little more tolerable. Some fears have gone away. Many more continue to surface, so I continue to go for assistance.

My suggestion for anyone with the same possibility would be, "Find a therapist through a trusted friend or by a recommended referral.Do not be put into any uncompromising position.  You are an adult now. You are a survivor. Realize this is a long process. Remember the most difficult part of therapy is the integration of the past into your present life.  Your symptoms may go away.  You must continue on with therapy each week.  There are days I go and then want to quit."  My husband encourages me to go a few more sessions and wait, so I trudge on.  He says it is "like an investment in a new car".

I am finally understanding why I acted the way I did;  the feelings of abandonment, of desperation, the urge and need to always be busy, the anxiety, my inability to handle new situations, hatred of myself, and of course my low self esteem.  I now understand why I have difficulties with violence, animals dying, and relating to people.  Many times I was easily manipulated, flustered or upset.  I was often triggered into crying when I lost control, or thought that I was being criticized or challenged.

I thank the Lord for my sisters, my best friends, my husband and the gracious and brilliant counselor who now meets with me each week and supports me even outside of the scheduled sessions when warranted.  I now only need to take medication during emergencies.  I have not been able to take it daily, because for some reason it interferes with my memories, and I need to be able to recall to help me heal. I will continue to struggle on to put my life back together.  I want to know all the details so I can understand my past, and move on with my future in a positive way.  I know that I am a child of God and a Survivor.

Alpha Butterfly Spirit,
In the middle of a life journey that takes time.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

♥ Love is a Healing Balm ♥

Love is a Healing Balm.
When Applied Directly, 
Darkness Surrenders to Light, 
Wrongs are Righted and 
Longing is Replaced with Hope.

Cheryl E Gordon

From my Inspirational Twitterings Blog

Monday, May 17, 2010

The Abuse Survivor

The Abuse Survivor;
You Have Been to Hell and Back.
There is no Doubt in My Mind
Fortitude You do not Lack.

Wounds Have Run Deep
And Your Scars Are Plenty.
But with God Pushing You Forward
Your Smiles Will Be Many.

You Fought With the Devil
And the Battle You have Won.
God Has Given You the Strength
To Carry On.

So Rest Well, My Friend
Life's Beauty to See.
May Your Heart be Refreshed
And Your Spirit set Free.

Cheryl E Gordon

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

"Through the Eyes of the Child"

A World of Imagination Unfolds 
Through the Eyes of the Child. 
If We Pay Attention, 
They Can Reteach Us 
What We Have Forgotten.

Cheryl E Gordon

Caterpillar and Butterfly Richard Bach Quote:

What the Caterpillar calls the "End of the World" the Master calls a Butterfly
Richard Bach


Saturday, April 24, 2010

Permission To Heal

Giving Ourselves Permission to Heal

It is Important to Give Ourselves Permission to Heal.
What We Voice as Our Desire to Heal
Must Be Believed From Within.

Cheryl E Gordon
Sept 10,2009

Saturday, April 17, 2010


Allow a Life of Pain and Heartache 
to be Transformed into one of Healing and Hope. 
Share Your Love
And it will Change Twofold. ♥

Cheryl E Gordon

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

*The Presence of Good and Evil*

Some Say Evil Does Not Exist.
That it is Present Only if One Looks for It.
Yet I Know it to Be Real.
In Our Apathy, Ignorance and Denial
It Finds It's Power.
Preying on the Innocent and Unsuspecting.
I see it's Aftermath in the "Broken" Child and Enslaved Spirit.
Yet It Can be Overcome.
We Can Conquer this Force.
To Do So We Must Believe, and
Reach For Spiritual Guidance.
Only Then Can Our Eyes Be Open
To Challenge & Confront it.
The Strong Must Join Hands,
To Bring Forth the Light,
Penetrating the Darkness to
Extinguish It's Power,

Cheryl E Gordon

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Healing of the Body & Spirit

It is Important That We Give Ourselves Permission To Heal.
Our Body is as Sensitive to our Own Thought
As it is To Outside Influence.
Healing of the Body Begins With Healing of the Spirit.

Cheryl E Gordon
August 25, 2009

Monday, April 5, 2010

Affirmation For Breaking the Chain of Abuse

Affirmation For "Breaking the Chain of Abuse"

You have Assaulted the Body
But, You Could Not Steal My Soul.
Now is the Time
For My Spirit to Be Whole.

You Do Not Have My Permission,
I am Absolving All My Fear,
While My Spirit Grows Stronger
Your End is Growing Near.

Fact:  I have been told by a close friend who is being seen for post traumatic stress syndrome from a past history of horrendous abuse, that her psychiatrist told her that repetitive abuser's life spans are really quite short compared to the general population.  He is quite knowledgeable about these things, and I believe what she told her.  That is, many die in their late 50's or 60's or even earlier from their harsh and dangerous lifestyle, and others may meet an untimely death as a result of retaliation from their own predatory actions.

Cheryl E Gordon

(I wrote this as a Strength Statement for Making a Break from the Abuser and for Spiritual Healing.  I Hope That You Find it Helpful)